Of all the bits of your anatomy you probably never thought you could either break or fracture, your penis was probably one of them. After all, how many times has a friend told you that he fell down and broke his dick or asked you to write something witty on his plaster of Paris nob cast?
But unlikely as it seems, a penile fracture (also sometimes referred to as a broken penis) is far from a myth – with around 2000 confirmed cases reported in medical papers per year. And not surprisingly, doctors reckon that many more penile fractures go untreated – thanks in no small part to that most fragile of male emotions – pride.
Symptoms…
If you’re ever unfortunate enough to suffer a penile fracture, you’re likely to experience alarmingly sudden and self-evident symptoms.
A distinct pop or crack resonating from your erect penis, followed immediately by extreme pain and an abrupt loss of erection are the usual initial symptoms. Within a few minutes of sustaining the injury you can expect the little fella to swell and bruise as if he’s just gone twelve rounds with Mike Tyson – and of course, sex will mysteriously and abruptly lose its appeal.
How penile fractures happen…
Penile Fracture Symptoms:
Swelling, distortion and severe discoloration of
the penile shaft resulting from penile fracture.
The male of the human species is quite unique…because unlike most mammals, including our close primate cousins, we don’t have a penile bone (called a Baculum) to aid our erections – and hence, you’d think, nothing to break. In fact, just to mention as an interesting side note, a boneless penis is a rare quirk of nature that we share with only a few of our mammalian brethren such as kangaroos, elephants and horses…which of course means that each and every one of us can truly and proudly claim to be ‘hung like a horse’.
But boneless as a filleted fish your penis may be, he’s certainly not without rigidity during erection…and accordingly, your favourite playmate can succumb to extremes of force every bit as much a dry twig can snap under foot.
No bones to break, but a tyre to burst…
The part of the penis that breaks to cause a penile fracture is called the ‘tunica albuginea’ – which is a tough sheet of tissue that encapsulates the erectile bodies. In many ways you can think of the tunica albuginea as a tyre wall – an outer casing that gives shape and rigidity to the blood engorged erectile bodies during an erection. Bend your penis too forcefully to the left or the right when you’ve got an erection and oops…the tunica albuginea (the tyre) is liable to tear circumferentially under the strain.
But why on earth would anyone bend their penis?
On the face of it, it might seem that a penile fracture is a pretty easy thing to avoid. After all, you’d think that forcefully bending an erection would be every bit a clear mark of insanity as voluntarily feeding your nob into a meat grinder.
But in reality, the majority of penile fractures occur during either vigorous sex or masturbation, as opposed to though extreme masochistic tendencies or obvious mental instability.
Risky Positions…
As far as sexual positions go, a disproportionate number of penile fractures occur with the woman on top. With the cowgirl energetically riding the bucking bronco, it’s all too easy for her partner’s penis to slip out and to become the victim of her next misaligned thrust – buckling under the force of her body weight.
Likewise, taking the missus from behind is believed to be another common culprit – simply because the position forces the penis to bend awkwardly at its base. According to urologists at Brookdale University Hospital, New York, half the penile fractures they surgically treated at the hospital between 2003 and 2007 had resulted from having such doggie style sex.
Risky Partner’s?
But it’s not just how you do it…who you do it with might also be a contributory factor – because according to a study published in the September 2011 edition of the Journal of Sexual medicine your little soldier is also more likely to suffer the battle wounds of a penile fracture whilst on covert operations in foreign territories.
This was the conclusion of urologist and lead author Dr Andrew Kramer, who reported that half of the 16 penile fractures that he and his colleagues surgically treated between 2007 and 2011 at Maryland University Hospital were sustained during extramarital affairs.
Dr Kramer suggested that the increased risk was probably attributable to having rushed sex in stressful or awkward situations – all of which turned sex into the penile equivalent of an extreme sport. Only three of the treated men were having sex with their wives at home in bed at the time of their misfortune – the rest (including all 8 men having affairs) suffered their broken penises in elevators, public restrooms, in cars and at work.
It’s obvious of course that this increased risk of suffering a penile fracture during an affair is attributable to awkward, rushed sex as opposed to being some kind of divine Karma bestowed on cheating husbands. But it nevertheless goes as a word of caution that an affair can lead to more than a broken marriage…it can increase your risk of a broken penis too.
But as an illustration that faithfulness and monogamy act as no sure talisman against penile fracture, urologist Dr Hunter Wessells from the Washington University School of Medicine reported that one faithful husband (who one would assume was trying to put the zest back into matrimonial sex) had sustained a penile fracture through a particularly daring and inventive approach to penetrating his wife…he’d run across the room and taken a flying leap at her.
The moral of the tale is clear…acrobatic sex – whether monogamous or otherwise, may offer the same sort of exhilaration as jumping out of a plane, but like jumping out of a plane it may be worth giving some serious consideration to the balance between risk and reward before taking the plunge.
Who’s to Blame?
And what if the worst should happen as a result of your adventurous, acrobatic, awkward or extramarital sex? Does your sexual partner share any of the responsibility for your misfortune? Not according to the U.S. Superior Court she doesn’t…the buck stops squarely with you.
That was the court’s decision when an anonymous man (referred to in the proceeding as ‘John Doe’) tried to sue his ex-girlfriend ‘Mary Moe’ for negligence after he’d sustained a penile fracture during the throws of passion with her. According to the court, it was ‘unreasonable to hold consenting adults to a standard of reasonable care’ whilst they were having sex.
In other words, the court was saying, ‘if you break your dick when you’re having sex it’s your tough luck…don’t expect to claim damages’.
Fortunately though, the court had the foresight to point out that if the missus was callous enough to intentionally break your dick during sex…well, then that would be another matter. It’s a good job too…how many girlfriends and wives after a heated argument might have lured their partners into the bedroom under false pretences just to mercilessly snap their erections in retribution, had the courts unintentional given them the green light to do so?
Think I’m being unduly paranoid? Well…what do they say about a woman scorned?
Auto Penile Fracture…
No, I’m not talking about fracturing your penis in a car accident…I’m talking about incidents of penile fracture that are pretty much self-inflicted – sometimes in such bizarre and fantastic ways that they really should have graced the pages of Ripley’s Believe It Or Not as featured articles.
Dr Javaad Zargooshi, an Iranian urologist from Kermanshah University of Medical Sciences for example, reported in the Journal of Urology in 2000 about the alarming number of Iranian men he’d treated for penile fractures after they’d partaken in a technique called ‘Taqaandan’.
Taqaandan…which translated from Kurdish means ‘to click’, involves grabbing the top half of your erect penile shaft with one hand, the base of the penile shaft with the other and then forcefully bending your erection. Although apparently painless if all goes well, the practice of Taqaandan should carry a government health warning…because quite frequently all doesn’t go well. Out of a city population of less than 800,000 men, women and children, Dr Zargooshi had treated an alarming 172 penile fractures – most of which had been sustained through the practice of this dangerous nob sport.
But why would a man with no apparent psychological problems want to do such a thing?
Well according to Dr Zargooshi, it’s a growing habit with Iranian men that’s the penile equivalent of cracking your knuckles. Apparently, performing Taqaandan produces a ‘satisfying’ popping sound which then results in a painless loss of erection. Like knuckle cracking it may be on a good day, but one can only guess at the shock of the less fortunate practitioners who experience sudden, excruciating, knee-buckling pain after the ‘satisfying’ popping sound.
In addition to penile fractures sustained through Taqaandan, Dr Zargooshi’s study suggests that Iranian men don’t have a great deal of luck when it comes to maintaining injury free erections…donkey bites, falling off mountains and dropping bricks onto their erect penises were just some of the other explanations that men had given for their predicament.
But it’s not just men in far off countries with unfamiliar cultures who are prone to fracturing their penises in unusual circumstances; Western medical literature is rife with weird and wonderful examples too.
Urologists from Weill Cornell Medical Center in New York treated a man who’d sustained a penile fracture during a game of American Football. The man’s erect penis had taken the full impact of a collision with another player’s helmet during a hefty tackle…which not surprisingly ended his game as well as his erection. Does his passion for the game still arouse such a strong sexual response on field? Let’s hope not.
Freakishly unfortunate penile fractures aren’t just confined to the football pitch either – falling down the stairs with an erection, masturbating into a cocktail shaker and sucking an erection ‘accidently’ into a vacuum whilst doing the housework are just a few of the reported excuses given. All of which suggests that erections, like some medications, should come with a warning not to use when operating heavy machinery.
Treating Penile Fractures…
Surgical Repair:
The tunica albuginea is repaired with sutures
whilst the penile shaft is degloved. Under anaesthetic fortunately!
Source: Medscape Reference
As you’ll have guessed, the penile equivalent of a tyre blowout is a pretty serious affair that requires prompt medical intervention – usually in the form of surgical repair. In fact, specialists warn that without emergency treatment there’s at least a 30 percent chance that you’ll experience long term functional problems…just as you would if you didn’t bother to get a broken leg or arm properly set. And when they say emergency, they really do mean emergency. According to those same specialists, waste more than 48 hours procrastinating about getting yourself to your local ER and even the healing waters of Lourdes probably won’t help to fully restore your former penile glory.
In all honesty however, the overwhelming pain and alarming physical state of your little fella are likely to be more than enough motivation to seek prompt medical attention. And in those first few initial minutes after the tragic event, applying an icepack (or a frozen steak, peas or whatever) can help to minimise the swelling and pain whilst your startled missus rushes around to get your toothbrush, clean underwear and dressing gown.
Surgery to repair the damaged tunica albuginea involves degloving the penis (yes…what you’re thinking is correct) and then repairing the underlying torn tunica with stitches. Fortunately of course, you’ll be in an anaesthetically induced coma at the time of surgery, so you’ll be spared the disturbing sight of seeing your penis devoid of skin like one of Schwarzenegger’s less than fortunate supporting characters in Predator.
But what if you decide to risk forgoing the surgery and self-treat with a few painkillers and a frozen steak? Well, you could be lucky…some men who decline surgery and opt for more conservative treatment options do fully recover. But as you learned above about 30 percent suffer long term issues that significantly affect penile function.
If you’re one of those unfortunate 30 percent, a permanently distorted and bent penile shaft thanks to a severe case of Peyronie’s disease is the most likely scenario. What’s more, untreated penile fractures can often cause damage to, and lead to permanent disfigurement of the urethra – which can lead to the basic task of urination becoming a lifelong chore.
As a worst case scenario, denying a severely fractured penis the medical treatment he so desperately needs could lead to the unthinkable…a paraplegic penis. Just think of that if you’re ever unlucky enough to suffer a penile fracture and you’re left with the dilemma of whether your misfortune warrants a trip to the hospital…there’s a distinct chance that your lack of action could mean no more happy times for Mr Happy…ever.
Not a prospect many men would welcome.
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